Jimmy ~Updating~

[Spothie]

Name: Jimmy Lilka

Nickname: Jim

Age: 11

Hair Color: Dirty strawish-golden colored. A bit hard to explain

Eye Color: Blue

Other Description: He's a small boy with tanned skin and orange freckles, which he hates. He wears a short blue t-shirt with a warm, soft, brownish Grey jacket. He has a cap put on back-wards which is also blue. 140cms he is. His is NOT fat but very fit. He's average in weight. He wears white socks and yellowy-white trainers. <3 His hair is short. His shorts are brownish-grey and baggy.

Personality: Kind, fun-loving and someone who loves to make people laugh, Jimmy is quite happy-go-lucky chap. He doesn't like things that get him down or get him worked up easily. Never losing his temper if he loses

Someone who has quite a laid-back attitude, he is often very lazy. When he sits or lays down, he will often not feel like getting up. Not a morning person either, he has a rather apathetic attitude towards excercise and enthusiasm. Prefering to just sit back and watch tv then go outside for a morning jog.

Even though he gets on with just about anyone, and isn't shy at all - someone who doesn't mind meeting new people - he is very clumsy. Often tripping up, falling over and dropping things - including pokemon - he often isn't trusted with carrying stuff (duh!). Despite this, he is a very loyal friend who finds it hard to gossip and tell other people's secrets. Of course, he does like the occasional gossip now and then, like any child.

Also, Jimmy can't really talk back very well, which often ends up blowing in his face. Although he will easily voice his own opinions, not giving sight to even his friends feelings, if getting into a name-calling argument and the opponent comes up with something he can't top or makes a valid point, he'll stay silent to stop it turning all against him.

His straight-forward thing can be a problem. Despite never being a problem in one of those 'do you like my new blah blah?', sometimes the truth is too hard to handle, so he can have many fall-outs.



History: Nothing particularly special. Born in Johto, he grew up in New Bark Town for most of his life. Hadn't done much travelling before, he wanted a new place to go to and found jenta. And then his journey started.

Has now got a chikorita and a silcoon, he is pursuing an effort in getting a poochyena.

Favorite Pokemon:

Mine: Eevee, chikorita, skitty, wooper, pikachu and all Pokemon which look cute and/or beautiful.

Jimmy's: Loves all Pokemon.

Other Stuff: This is a Tejan character.


Pokemon Party (Active)


Name: Bell
Gender: Female
Level: 10
Moves: Growl, Tackle, Razor Leaf, Poison Powder
Special Ability: Overgrow - Raises grass moves when in a pinch
Personality: A little shy, but very enthusiastic about the idea of evolving. She wants to become a pretty meganium, and is willing to battle in order to achieve that.



Name: Silkie
Gender: Male
Level: 10
Moves: String Shot, Tackle, Poison Sting, Absorb
Ability: Shed Skin
Personality: Persistent, and sometimes selfish, he is willing to go to any lengths to get what he wants. Admittedly, this could be in his trainer's interest, if this guy would only stop thinking about his own comfort, and work with the team.


Name: Rianna
Gender: Female
Level: 7
Moves: Tackle, Howl
Ability: Run Away - Can escape from battle in almost all circumstances
Personality: Rough and tumble, always ready for an adventure. She gets quite protective over her brother and will lose her temper if someone knocks him out with her 'permission'. Hates being seperated from her brother for a long time.


Name: Tim
Gender: Male
Level: 5
Moves: Tackle, Howl
Ability: Quick Feet - If poisoned, paralyzed, or frozen, this pokemon has its speed doubled.
Personality: Defensive, but loving, he's still a bit of a cry baby, and hates to be separated from his sister.

Eggs



The shell is hard, with a matte, porous surface. It feels wonderful to hold in your hands, perhaps because it's moving gently. The small bumps from inside will put a smile of your face. This egg needs no other special care than to be kept warm, and loved. Best guesses say it will take five to seven days to hatch.


Pokemon Party (Inactive)

NONE



Bag


Key Items

x1 Pokedex


Medicine

x3 Potion


Pokeballs (Empty)

x4 Pokeball


Pokeballs (Filled)

x1 Pokeball

[MorriganFearn]

Whoa boy, Sophie this is really difficult for me. I know that you're really excited and positive about the plot, and I don't want to refuse anyone with your level of enthusiasm. However your level of literacy and writing is not yet of the quality that we're expecting to see in Jenta. If you think you can up your level of writing, you can resubmit this application for Jenta. If you'd prefer to practice a little before resubmitting Emma for Jenta, then Jimmy can go toward Tejan.

Here are my suggestions on how to improve your writing:

A lot of the problem in reading your posts is in the formating. You don't seem to have a very good grasp on when to break up paragraphs. Each paragraph is supposed to describe an idea, so the massive clump of text that you often produce looks as though it's only one idea, so I'm reading along and then suddenly something else has happened, and I don't realize that the action/idea has changed for a few seconds, which is jarring.

Also, when someone starts to speak, you have to start a new paragraph so we can tell that the speaker has changed from the omniscient narrator (you to a character. Another reason for doing this is that it will save you from having to bold what people say so that it stands out. I find that my eyes skip right to bolded parts, rather than reading the actions. Which means that I miss about half your post and have to read it again to know what your characters are doing.

It got to be so difficult to read your posts in Miteinjan that I would go through and edit them so that I could read them before replying. That's not something that you want mods doing to your writing, nor is it something that we want to do. But I was able to make your posts readable by just applying paragraph breaks when ideas changed, and speakers switched. I changed this:

~ ~ ~

Sasha treaded along the foggy footpath. Could this dya get any worse?! Sasha was annoyed about her pokemon and wished she could've of tooken that shellder. "No Sasha! You had to take the nidoran! The ugly ugly and annoying nidoran! You should've asked to see the nidoran you idiot!" She yelled, angrily, to herself as she walked along it.

The picture of the horrifying face was still in her head. Maybe I could get rid of her or maybe it would get better nad look better when she evolved, she thought. Yeah right. Sasha soon sat down by a tree and thought abotu what she had just yelled angrily. She calmed herself down and let the nidoran out. When the nidoran was out she said, "I'm calling you Anna in honour of a girl who looked a bit like you back home." Anna just snarled and lunged herself at her trainer angrily. But Sasha stopped her from biting by holding her hard. She remembered how to hold nidoran like her and this was how. She held her tightly and didn't loosen, even when Anna squeled. It was a way to not only disicpline them, but stop them from biting you if you do it everytime they try to attack. Sasha looked about. Maybe someone would take her. But not a soul was in sight. And besides she had to have another pokemon to defend herself against, well, everything. Sasha sighed and relaxed, but get her grip firm. Anna kept slashing and trying to attack but could not.

"Nido raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Anna yelled, wanting to cry but yet did not want to in front of her trainer. She didn't want to show that she's weak.

~ ~ ~

(Same post with papagraph breaks, although I didn't bother to correct the numerous spelling mistakes)

Sasha treaded along the foggy footpath. Could this dya get any worse?! Sasha was annoyed about her pokemon and wished she could've of tooken that shellder.

"No Sasha! You had to take the nidoran! The ugly ugly and annoying nidoran! You should've asked to see the nidoran you idiot!" She yelled, angrily, to herself as she walked along it.

The picture of the horrifying face was still in her head. Maybe I could get rid of her or maybe it would get better nad look better when she evolved, she thought. Yeah right.

Sasha soon sat down by a tree and thought abotu what she had just yelled angrily. She calmed herself down and let the nidoran out. When the nidoran was out she said, "I'm calling you Anna in honour of a girl who looked a bit like you back home."

Anna just snarled and lunged herself at her trainer angrily. But Sasha stopped her from biting by holding her hard. She remembered how to hold nidoran like her and this was how. She held her tightly and didn't loosen, even when Anna squeled. It was a way to not only disicpline them, but stop them from biting you if you do it everytime they try to attack.

Sasha looked about. Maybe someone would take her. But not a soul was in sight. And besides she had to have another pokemon to defend herself against, well, everything. Sasha sighed and relaxed, but get her grip firm. Anna kept slashing and trying to attack but could not.

"Nido raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Anna yelled, wanting to cry but yet did not want to in front of her trainer. She didn't want to show that she's weak.

~ ~ ~

The second post is easier to read, and I just pressed enter twice when the focus of attention switched from Sasha, to what Sasha was saying, to Anna. But the other thing this post highlights is that you don't always go back to check over what you've typed for spelling errors. That doesn't matter so much, because the more you write the more likely it is that there will be a misspelling, and you're usually pretty good about it.

That's it for general formatting problems. The content of this application is also a little wince worthy, unfortunately. I've noticed that you like massive melodramatic angst ridden pasts for your characters. It's getting a little hard to swallow. It may be more "interesting" to have a depressing past, but you're now on your third character with a traumatic deeply soul wrenching past, and it's like discovering the same character in three different thinly veiled disguises.

It sadly makes me cynical, and Jimmy's story, which is so over the top with no reason behind the actions, has me rolling my eyes rather than feeling sympathetic. If you're going to make a character, he should start off with the cleanest slate possible. Don't burden him down with a sorrow filled, innocence destroying past unless it is necessary for his character, either how he interacts with others, or it is the reason why he is now doing something.

Next, if you really feel that your character needs a tragic past the way a fish needs water when you give him that past make certain that the other players in the past, his parents, actually have reasons for doing what they did. Why does his mother not like pokemon? It seems to me that you just gave her the dislike of pokemon so that there was someone to oppose Jimmy in his dream. It seems contrived without explanation or reason.

The whole thing with his father, the sixth birthday, and the dying meowth was confusing rather than gut wrenching. Why would his father, unless he had recently had a lobotomy, give a child a meowth without taking it to the vet first, and then not feed it? Adults are more responsible than children, not less.

Finally, it's sort of an unwritten rule that children have to be at least ten years old when starting a journey. Usually older. Professor Cherry, if a seven year old boy showed up on his door step, would let him in, give him a good dinner, and call social services and child protection services if he couldn't get a hold of his parents.

Now that I've finished tearing your abilities as an RPer apart please continue to read! These are just the things you would have to fix if you want to get into Jenta. You have a wonderful sense of dialog, and you do try very hard to build on your characters. You've worked on making Sasha change her mind in Miteinjan, and your RPing in general is very good (I love how you're handling Simpre in Desipil, many people have a real problem dealing with unfortunate personalities for pokemon they happen to like). You just need some wrok to bring yourself up to the high standard we're putting in for Jenta.

[Spothie]

I actually was hoping to enter Tejan with him. I forgot to mention it.

And thank you for the Sasha and Sophie compliments.

Aaaah I'll modify. *Modifies it*
-----------------------------------
Ok. It's modified. Accepted?

[MorriganFearn]

Yup. Away to Tejan.